Always
by Soccerisawesome19
Summary: Maybe it would have been better if I had just been stupid. Then I wouldn't have found out. Then, things wouldn't have ended up this way.


For Quidditch:

My prompts (Even though they don't count):

1\. Dialogue: "I never should have mentioned it."

14\. Dialogue: "We were, weren't we?"

15\. Blame

Character: Ariana Dumbledore

If You Dare Competition:

19\. There is Always a Price

THANK YOU YOU AMAZING DEBSIE (sand castles and card houses) FOR BETA-ING THIS FOR ME!

* * *

Always

Would I always be the last one to find things out? Always?

Just because I was physically weak didn't mean that I couldn't see what was going on around me. In fact, since I was physically weak, I felt I had to observe things carefully. My weakness had been forced upon me, but I could control my mental abilities. I just had to be intelligent. Not that that would make a difference in anything.

Albus was already perfect in every regard, and Aberforth was no exception.

And then there was me. Little, weak, fragile Ariana who couldn't do anything by herself.

I knew that something was amiss - from my brothers' stolen glances at each other, clearly trying to convey a deeper, secret meaning, to my mother trying to hide the times when she got herself drunk downstairs and cried about her sorrows. She always tried to be quiet about it, never touching a bottle of alcohol until she thought I was asleep. But how can one sleep when they know that their mother is in pain?

Aberforth and Albus both began to be disconcertingly nice to me. I found it strange. We're siblings. Siblings, I've come to realise, don't show their love for each in such ways. It's not natural.

And that's how I knew that something was wrong. There was no point in asking them about it. They would never tell me, and if I did bother to ask, they'd just brush me off, strengthening the wall between me and my family.

So I decided to watch things carefully.

* * *

Maybe it would have been better if I had just been stupid.

Then I wouldn't have found out.

Then, things wouldn't have ended up this way.

* * *

"You're wrong. There is always a price, Albus," I heard Aberforth whispering to Albus.

My ear was to the door, listening to my brothers' conversation, trying to make sense of what they were arguing about.

"Never mind. I never should have mentioned it," Albus said. "Just forget what I just said and go to sleep."

They sleep in the same room. On the other side of our house. Away from me. Safe from my 'episodes'.

I have my own room, and I'm usually shut off from them. Mother doesn't want them to come to any harm at my hands.

* * *

I yanked the window open, panting. Mother would have killed me if she found out that I had been secretly opening the window when she wasn't around.

She thinks that it would do me harm. But in fact, it was doing me good. I'd been learning things I'd never known of previously. I saw a mockingbird for the first time in my life.

It sang its sad little song to me, and it looked so alone. It was just like me. But when I reached down to pet its tiny little head, it flew away in fright.

Why does it seem like everyone is afraid of me?

I yanked the window open again, but I had become used to the effort necessary to open it, and it did not require as much physical exertion on my part. I breathed into the cold, night air as moonlight shines down on me.

I felt something cold and white tickling my face.

It was snow.

Snow, which I had never been able to experience. Snow, which my brothers had always longed for. Aberforth, in particular, had always loved to play outside in the snow.

I, however, had never been allowed outside much, especially in the winter months. Mother believed the snow would do me harm, and I might catch cold, or something similar.

I glanced at the beautiful, ornate clock Albus had given me once, having found it amongst the mix of belongings and broken items in our attic.

It was just past twelve in the morning, making it Christmas of 1898.

The next time I saw the mockingbird, I sang with it, not using any words, simply matching its tones and notes.

For a second it stopped, and appeared to stare at me strangely. But then it continued to sing, unafraid for me to sing along with it.

Our voices soared together, and I felt free for what was quite possibly the first time in my life.

The mockingbird seemed to reach the end of whatever song it had been singing, and flew off.

"Thank you," I whispered to the bird's disappearing form.

* * *

I was sick. Extremely so. I lay in bed, not knowing what to do with myself, at the same time unable to do anything.

Mother didn't cry, not then. She knew she had to be strong. Albus and Aberforth were at Hogwarts, and she was the only one I had to care for me at that time.

Not wanting to summon a Healer, afraid I'd be placed in St. Mungo's for the rest of my life, Mother called on a Muggle woman who was proficient when it came to medicines and cures.

She had a cheery smile, and left some herbs with my mother, reassuring both me and my mother that everything would be perfectly fine.

Looking back, I should have known that she was lying.

* * *

"Why do you always put the blame on me? It's not my fault! Not my fault that-" Albus began to shout.

Suddenly there was silence.

I had a bad feeling, and I yanked my ear from the door and began to tiptoe away when-

"Ariana! What are you doing here? You should be sleeping!" Aberforth said, with an obviously false smile on his face. He was clearly trying to hide something.

What had Albus been saying? Not his fault that what?

"Did you hear what we were saying?" Albus asked, stepping closer to me.

Instinct told me to lie, but I couldn't. Not now. Not after what he had said.

"What's not your fault?" I tried to say with a clear voice, but it came out as a croak.

"Not his fault that he kept me awake while we were at Hogwarts and I got an 'Exceeds Expectations' and not an 'Outstanding' in Potions Class. Which it totally is," Aberforth covered up nicely.

But there was one small mistake in it.

Aberforth did get an 'Outstanding' in Potions Class. It was Albus that got and 'Exceeds Expectations' in Potions Class.

"Tell me the truth," I said with my voice clear for a change.

"What are you talking about? That was the truth," Albus said, and it's clear that he's getting nervous.

"I'm tired of this," I said, sighing. "You think I don't notice anything? What are you guys keeping secret from me? Why does mother always cry and drink when she thinks I'm sleeping? What's up with those secret glances you two always share? What were you talking about just now? Aberforth, you got an Outstanding in Potions Class. Albus was the one who got an Exceeds Expectations."

Aberforth looked at Albus, and walked over to his bed and sat down. "Albus, we should tell her the truth."

"The truth about what?" Albus' eyes flashed angrily, and I swear that I saw tears in his eyes.

"Ariana… the muggle doctor that came and diagnosed you a month ago? She told you it was just a cold, and you'd be perfectly fine. It isn't. You have… let's just say you're sick. Really sick. And you're going to die soon," Aberforth bursted out, looking away from me.

He had tears on his cheeks as he told me.

I started to laugh then. This was the destiny that God had planned for me? Really? I'd already almost died several times. Dying was nothing. Nothing to be scared of.

Albus walked over to me and hugged me then. Stroked my hair and told me that it was going to be okay.

"You're going to be okay. Okay?"

I was about to ask him why he was hugging me when I realized that I was crying.

Why was I crying?

I heard my mother crying in her bedroom.

I went to her bedroom, and knocked on her door. I could hear her trying to stop crying, and to wipe up her tears.

I opened the door and walked in.

"It's okay mother. I know. I know," I said, as I walked over to my beautiful mother and hugged her.

She cried into me that day.

And cried openly after that.

"Ariana… you're going to die soon. If there's one last thing you want to do, tell me. Anything you want, and I'll give it to you. I'll make it happen," Albus said.

"It's okay, I don't want anything…" I said to him.

There was one thing that I wanted. But that was private. It was something that could be fulfilled on my own.

* * *

I opened my window, and took a breath.

Everyone had always pitied me. Ariana; mad out of her mind. Ariana; can't control her magic. Poor, poor Ariana.

No. I wouldn't ever use magic again. It was all my fault that my father had attacked them. All my fault that he went to Azkaban and my mother couldn't look me straight in the eye.

There was only one thing I loved doing. And that was singing.

I began to sing.

The mockingbird perched on the windows ledge like it always had, and sang with me.

* * *

She died. And it was because of me. Why couldn't I just be a Squib?

It had been my fault.

I had had a fit at Albus. Aberforth wasn't there to calm me down. Aberforth, my dear and favourite brother who could always calm me down, wasn't there.

It was a stupid fit, really. Albus had told me he had found a way that I could live… but I didn't want that. It was a painful way to live.

And then there was a flash and a bang… and then she was dead.

That day was the third time that I had cried.

The first being the day the boys had attacked me. The second being the day that Aberforth had told me that I was going to die.

The third, and final time, was when my mother died.

* * *

Albus was in love with a guy. His friend, Gellert Grindelwald. But he was evil. Gellert had come one day.

I had never liked him.

Gellert had somehow dragged Albus into thinking that these evil plans of his were good. But they were so evil. So, so evil.

Aberforth found out about their plans, and he got angry. Real angry.

Then there was a duel.

Aberforth was about to die. I threw myself in front of him, and I looked at Albus in despair and anger.

And that's how I ended up here.

The train that I always wanted to take. To Hogwarts.

To be normal, and to actually control my magic.

I was scared to die. But now… it looks welcoming. I can feel it coming.

And I can hear only one thing.

A mockingbird's sad song.

No. It isn't sad. It's a song about death. A happy song. It's about being free.

And here I am. Free. Really free. At last.

So I step into the train, and begin to sing.

* * *

"There is always a price!"

The price was Ariana's life. And in exchange, he lost everything he loved.

* * *

A/N: I don't know if Ariana's death scene would actually be at Platform 9 and 3/4 like Harry's, but I thought that it would be appropriate. Well… I hope you enjoyed!

AND I HOPE WE WON! GO BATS!


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